The sixteenth century English poet John Donne wrote some insanely beautiful love poetry. One of Donne's favorite metaphors for the transformative effects of love was the crucible - the fire where original elements were combined, heated, and, together, transformed into new and different substances. Love burns, annihilates, then utterly transfigures.
Whenever we find the courage to welcome love into our life - whether it's a child, a lover, the love of the divine, or a (re)commitment to loving ourselves, we enter the crucible. To open your heart is to enter the fire. If we will stay there, we will be purified and changed.
Thing is, staying in the fire of love means dying, and death by fire hurts. The big loves of my life (including learning to love my own self) have involved massive renunciations, denials, losses, griefs. Maybe they come sooner or maybe they come later, but if the love is real, it's joyful passion will be matched by a difficult purification. A letting-go.
"Tapaha," in the Kundalini yogic tradition, means staying firm in the face of difficulty. It means not jumping out of the crucible when it hurts DAMN bad, but in your heart, you know it's actually re-making you.
[As a disclaimer, I am not talking about staying in a "love relationship" that's abusive. That isn't the crucible of love, it's the hell of violence, and I urge you to reach out, get support, and free yourself.]
Stay there, dear one. Feel the burn of the transformation. Be Daenerys Targaryen in the flames. Don't jump out. Your new self is coming, and She is magnificent.